Frank and Columbia II- The Break Up (or Frank Backstory Part 2)
by Charlotte Thompson
Summary: How Frank and Columbia break up. It involves revenge.


The two dated and had a steady relationship but things changed a bit when Frank had to go to Earth to examine human life and try to recreate it. (Columbia's point on the matter "I knew you were gonna be like Dr. Frankenstein!") Thankfully for Frank, college was a year for each step, so he did three years. He loaded up on classes and got his doctorate. So Columbia and Frank had been together with few major fights for six years. They only broke up once or twice, and that was because Frank wanted to experiment a bit in those college years. In that experimentation, he found out he also liked boys. Columbia saw no wrong and loved him anyways.

For the mission, Frank got a fully furnished castle (with a lab) and three people to come with him. Columbia, Magenta and Riffraff were the obvious choices and they left.

When they landed, the first thing he needed to do was to go up to the lab. The stairs didn't lead there and he had a sneaking suspicion he was going to have to deal with the elevator _every_ single time he wanted to be in his lab. He took the ride up, and found all of the things he needed transferred from his room in the other house. He also saw a note "Behind the curtain is your study. In the study there is a secret passageway in the bookshelf, but if you want to go straight to someplace in the house, there are secret passages all over the place. Sadly I can't just HAND them out to you. The statues are the first place to look."

He saw lots of Greek style statues, all male. He raised an eyebrow. "It was almost like the people giving me the castle knew I was bi." He walked up to one of them and tried it out. He held its hand tightly. The whole pedestal rotated. Frank smiled, walking through. "I am going to have so much fun with this."

He heard the elevator and got out of the area, which closed when no one was in there. He leaned against the wall nonchalantly.

Columbia smiled. "It is almost like they knew you were bi." She noted, her tone significantly less excited.

Frank nodded. "They lead places." He would have eventually told her, so it wasn't a big deal revealing the secret now.

"Awesome! So there _are_ doors into your lab!" She exclaimed. Columbia asked "So what sex do you think your human will be?"

"The one I know the best, male." Frank answered. "Plus, I also have to meet some humans. Since I apparently can't live without school, I am taking some anatomy courses at the local college. I have lots of money to use too. They recommend a hospital job."

"Interesting."

"I need to meet some humans." Frank answered.

Columbia gulped. She knew her boyfriend. She loved him so much, but he was a known cheater. She didn't care. She heard Linda McCartney once sat on the couch talking to a reporter while she knew her husband was in the other room messing around with other women. Columbia knew if Linda McCartney could deal with the great Paul McCartney sleeping around, so could Columbia. Plus the fact Frank was a huge celebrity, and cheating normally ensues in that situation. And they were practically married, Frank just didn't like to be tied down.

Columbia asked "Do you have to right now?" Her voice came out meek.

Frank shook his head. "Why are you using your scared voice?"

"I know you Frank. I heard Riffraff and Magenta throwing around bets on when we will break up, I love you. All I ask is for you to do not to…fool around." She answered. Frank held her chin.

"Columbia, I love you. I will always come back to you." Frank promised.

Columbia nodded. Frank hugged her. Then he kissed her. He walked to the elevator.

Columbia noted "You still didn't promise me you wouldn't."

"Columbia, I can give you that promise, but I will eventually have to break it." Frank answered.

"You don't have to do anything on Earth except eat, sleep, drink, breathe and pay taxes!" Columbia's voice came out a little louder than she intended. She walked closer to him. "Why can't you promise it?" She asked.

"I am a wild and an untamed thing." He said slowly, holding her chin. "I am a bee with a deadly sting."

"I love you." Columbia answered. "Don't impregnate anyone." Her voice came out sad.

"I love you too." Frank responded. "And you know me if I nail someone I have the good sense to use contraceptives."

Columbia sighed. The answer she wanted to hear was "no one is as great as you my beautiful future wife" or "Columbia Ansalong, you are the only woman I would ever impregnate". Possibly after one of those he would say "Speaking of impregnation" and bring her hips in, doing that thing where he bites his tongue a little to the side and start making love to her like her best dreams all over again. But all of that was in her head.

Frank pulled her in for what was, at best, a grandma kiss. Then he went down the elevator, changed into something more presentable and wore makeup in a way that it wasn't nearly as noticeable and walked out.

Columbia bawled. Magenta came over closer. Riffraff patted her shoulder. "There, there."

Magenta moved his hand "Go avay Riffraff! She doesn't need your help!"

"Don't do anything regret-worthy." Riffraff answered.

"Because ve vould totally have a naked pillow fight vhen you leave the room." Magenta said sarcastically.

Riffraff laughed. "Later?" He asked. Magenta threw the nearest object at him. "I get the point!" He exclaimed, leaving.

Columbia asked "Does he tell you he loves you?"

Magenta nodded.

"Does he tell you that you are sexy?" Columbia asked.

Magenta nodded. Columbia started a new wail. Magenta asked "Does Frank never tell you how beautiful you are?" Columbia nodded, solemnly. "I am so very sorry my brother is ze vomanizer he is. He belongs vith men." Magenta added.

"Well, I just… I love him more than anything." Columbia admitted. "The sad part is that it is as good know it is real. I know this is as good as it gets."

Magenta let her cry.

**Long story short Frank meets Eddie at the bar he goes to and winds up cheating on Columbia. I have been trying to force myself to write this for at least a couple of weeks and it just isn't going to happen.**

Columbia's heart broke to see Frank with Eddie in bed the next morning. Not like she hadn't been in the same spot before, but she missed it. She swallowed. She went from sad to furious in a matter of seconds. She walked down the hallway and suddenly the song she wanted to sing was playing. Riffraff and Magenta sang back up.

Columbia sang "Midnight, gettin' uptight, where are you?

You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two

I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you

Hey Frank it's a fact they're talkin' in town

I turn my back and you're messin' around

I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart then you took my pride away" With each line she sang more loudly and passionately than the last. She kept getting closer and closer.

"I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you

That's why I hate myself for loving you

Ow! Uh

Daylight, spent the night without you

But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do

I'm over being angry 'bout the hell I've been through

Hey, man, bet you can treat me right

You just don't know what you was missin' last night

I wanna see you begging, say forget it just for spite

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart and you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you

That's why I hate myself for loving you

Ow! Huh

I think of you ev'ry night and day

You took my heart and you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you

That's why I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you

Can't break free from the things that you do

I wanna walk but I run back to you

That's why I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself

I hate myself for loving you" She practically screamed the last line in Frank's ear. She fell apart recognizing him still sleeping.

She found a bench. Magenta sat beside her. Columbia bawled.

"Columbia, I know how to get back at him." Magenta whispered. "He has vays to mark ze secret passages. He decorated all the statues in a specific vay to correspond to where zey lead in ze castle. He never bothered to memorize zem either." Columbia raised her eyebrow. She smiled evilly.

"We still have that red paint right?" She asked.

"Yes, from when ve vere painting his room." Magenta answered. "And ve can loan you a ladder. Ve made him climb."

Columbia laughed sadistically. She smiled at the buckets of red paint. "A mental mind fuck can be nice." She quoted Frank.

She went to every single male statue and painted their nails and redid their makeup. With every female one she mismatched the ties. She had a huge smile on her face. She listened to more rock goddesses complain about their cheating lying boyfriends as she did it.

Frank sighed when he saw her. "What is up?"

"You fucked him." Columbia responded.

Frank gulped. "I told you I couldn't make any promises."

"All you ever do is hurt me."

"If you don't want to be my girlfriend you don't have to be." Frank admitted.

Eddie came out of the bedroom in the same outfit he wore the night before. He stared at Columbia. "Wow. Your girlfriend is hot."

Frank knitted his eyebrows. "Eddie, I thought you said you liked men."

"I like both. I am bi." Eddie answered. Frank gulped. More and more he saw himself as leaning toward being gay. There was still a bit that loved Columbia and appreciated boobs so he couldn't say he was just outright gay.

Frank was perplexed "Don't you want me?"

"I want both of you. But this girl looks like she would be hot on the back of my motorcycle." Eddie pointed out.

"You have a motorcycle?" Columbia asked.

Eddie nodded. "Of course! Where else should I be blaring Burning Love or Jailhouse Rock?" He asked.

"You like Elvis?" Columbia asked. "Frank hates Elvis. I asked him to sing Burning Love to me and he said no." She pointed out.

"Wow. I could sing that to you fifty times right now." Eddie answered. He asked "Want to go split a shake some fries and talk about other things we have in common?"

Columbia nodded. "Bye Frank, I can tell you I will behave, but that will be a promise I can only break. Oh and we're through." The two left.

"She can't just… ditch me like that!" Frank proclaimed.

Magenta laughed "You did the same to her."

"But… I actually thought Eddie and I could… make it work." Frank pointed out.

"You would have been over him by noon, Frank. If Columbia weren't after him, you two would fall completely to bits by noon." Riffraff assured.

Frank tried to sort out his emotions. He stayed silent for a little then said "Call me Master." Magenta gulped. She always knew Frank had villainous potential and something told her in that sentence, Frank was unlocking it. "I will start designing the perfect man after breakfast." Frank assured. Magenta left to start making food. He added "And if either one of you assist her, I will not be afraid to use the whip."

Magenta and Riffraff gave each other looks, then said "Yes Master."


End file.
